Sigma Tau Dipshits

Nearly a full year ago I joined an English honor society at my university. "What the hey," I thought. "I don't really like other English people because they're usually pretentious and annoying, but this will be good on my resume." So, along with a few of my friends who were invited, I joined. We should have all been tipped off that things were awry when only half of the new members showed up to the induction ceremony, and one of the sponsors didn't even show up. At that induction ceremony last April we received nothing and they said, "Ahhh, don't worry about it! We're going to mail your membership certificates and pins!" No big deal, right? I didn't particularly care.

So the induction passed and I went to the meetings (averaging five whole members each week, which, in case you're wondering, is awkward, especially when your new president tells you her favorite book of all time is Harry Potter and you have to suppress your bile without drawing too much attention to yourself).

Fast forward to the end of last semster, early December, as many of us are preparing to graduate. We all receive e-mails from one of the new sponsors informing us that, golly-gee-whiz, a "miscommunication" must've occurred in the spring because no one ever sent off our dues or information to the national home office of the honor society! And no one ever thought to double-check it when they curiously heard nothing back from the home office. Oh by the way, she adds, would you like to still be a member since, technically speaking, you never were one?

Ha, perrrrfect. I wrote her back telling her that, oh boy, they should be embarrassed by this. I also asked her how I'm supposed to explain their screwup to people who've received my resume in the meantime and would check my affiliations, awards, and honors only to discover it looked like I completely made this one up out of thin air. Not cool, I told her. Regardless, though, I told her I still wanted to stay in the national organization, and to go ahead and send my dues money in and keep me in as long as the membership would backdate to the time we all originally thought we were being inducted. She wrote back and apologized for everything and then said she'd send do that and then forward all of my memberhip materials to me.

Another month and a half passes. By now it is the end of January. I've still not received anything from her, so I e-mail the sponsor back. She tells me the new group secretary (someone who was literally coerced into taking the position so the group wouldn't lose its certification with Campus Student Organizations) is in charge of that now. Ohhhh great, way to follow through. So I e-mail that girl, and she tells me my materials are on the way! Yay!

Nooooooo.

Which brings us to this week. I write the secretary again. I've still received nothing, and frankly, it's been almost A YEAR since we were supposed to be inducted into this piece of crap organization. Where is my stuff? She writes back. "I still haven't sent them yet for a couple of reasons. Sorry!" What the hell reasons can there be, man? Her thumbs fell off? Her cat mauled her in the middle of the night, grossly disfiguring her face and leaving her emotionally scarred and unable to forward a fricking envelope? It's so beyond me!

So, it's been almost a year now, and of course I probaby owe renewal dues now, but how the hell would I know? I don't even have my original materials! Which means I can't access the national website, I can't pay my updated dues, and you guessed it, I'm soon going to be out of the national organization AGAIN because of these bumbling idiots at my school's chapter. So much for trying to utilize one's opportunities to make one's resume look better.

On a final, totally unrelated note, I was just watching The Price is Right. Drew Carey lets contestants give "shout-outs" while they spin the big wheel. This guy just used his "shout-out" moment to say, "Yeah, I wanna say hello to my lord and savior, Jesus Christ." Yeah, dude, don't suck up to Jesus. I guarantee you he is not watching The Price is Right, and he is not going to help you win the Showcase Showdown. He has other things to do.

UPDATE: Hell if that guy didn't totally win the Showcase Showdown.