Tids and Bits

I have no story for a formal post right now, but I thought I'd pass on some things I found funny recently. First, a sign we passed on the way to a baseball game several weeks ago:


Second, we went out to eat last weekend and ordered an appetizer dish called the "assorted platter." Imagine my glee at getting the check and seeing the "ass plater" on it:


Finally, some notes on funny things my students have said. I make them keep a writing journal in my class. Every day, they have to respond to a prompt I write on the board. These are some of my favorites from the last three weeks:

Question--If you woke up tomorrow with one new quality or ability, what would it be?

Answer: When I wake up tomorrow, I wish to be ridiculously good looking. I chose this for several reasons. A few of my reasons include girls, charisma, and stellar poses. Any female would drool at the sight of my eyes, which would be similar to a waterfall shimmering in a blazing sun. Charisma would allow me to easily raise any grade from a D to an A. Being charismatic is a trait that simply hovers over any man with extremely good looks. Last, stellar poses would give me a chance to further show off my ridiculously-good-lookingness

Question--If you could give one piece of advice to any person in history, what would it be?

Answer 1: I would tell Einstein to fix his hair. It's hard for people to take him seriously when he doesn't look professional.

Answer 2: I would tell the guy who invented cake that he should never mix vegetables with cake. Carrot cake? I honestly want to hit that guy.

Answer 3: I would tell a pirate, "Eat oranges, and tell your friends." (I think this is a reference to preventing scurvy, but the wording made me laugh so hard.)

Answer 4: I would tell the Beatles to donate 85% of their sales to me so I could increase their popularity among mothers and nuns.

Consider them your quotes of the day.