The Joy of Marital Insults

Today, Y and I were getting ready to go out for a bit. I was sitting upstairs waiting for him to finish getting dressed when I noticed he had a zit. This, friends, is the conversation that ensued:

Me: "You gonna do something to cover up that monster? It's makin' me sick!"

Y then pretends he's going to gently smack me in the face as he laughs for me to shut up.

I hide my face, replying, "Nooooo! It took me so long to get it this beautiful for going outside!"

Y's response as he points to my face: "That's the best you could come up with, eh?"

Heh, ohhhh well played, dear husband of mine. Well played.

Following our excursion together, I went out by myself to get my hair cut and run a couple of other errands. While getting my hair cut, I was chatting with the stylist. At one point, she asked me, "Do you find you have a lot of strangers coming up to talk to you?" I replied that I did, that I attract weirdos like it's my calling in life. What follows is the exact conversation as it happened, and I hope you'll understand why it amused me so, so much.

Her: I thought so. You've got a very inviting voice. Like a voice that attracts people.

Me: Really? I dunno. All I know is that I must give off SOME vibe that makes strangers come up to me and talk to me about their probation hearings and oozing sores and whatnot.

Her: Nah, really. It's charming. It's like one of them....one of them things. What they call em? Sirens?

Me: Like a tornado siren? AAAAHHHHHHHHHH. [That was my impression of a tornado siren.]

Her: Nah, like one of them voices that attracts people to it and then sucks them in so they can't escape.

Me: [laughing] Ohhhhhh! Like the Sirens from The Odyssey.

Her: Oh GUUUUUURL, that's it! Have you seen that movie? Honey, that movie was tight! It's been a long time since I seen it, but that movie was tight!

Me: I've not seen the movie, but I read the original written version.

Her: GUUURL, na uh! That was a book too?

Oh my.

Ok, so after THAT I went to Sephora to buy Y's sister some makeup as a gift for when we go visit next week. (When you go to Sephora, you can get 3 free samples of just about anything you want. This will come into play momentarily.) When I got there, I asked a saleslady to help me pick makeup for Y's sister, because she's got lovely golden olive skin and I'm sure we've already established that I know nothing about the joy of that kind of skin to be able to pick makeup for it. So this saleslady helped me for a while, and as she finished helping me find things for the gift, she said, "Now what can I get for YOU as far as samples go?" I told her I wasn't really looking for anything for myself. She looked at me kind of cockeyed and then said, "Hmm...how about skincare? Sit tight, I'll be right back!" When she came back, she gave me three small jars containing 1. a mild cleanser, 2. acne spot-treatment, and 3. oil mattifying cream. Gee, thanks for the ever-so-subtle hint, lady.