Tids and Bits

I have no story for a formal post right now, but I thought I'd pass on some things I found funny recently. First, a sign we passed on the way to a baseball game several weeks ago:


Second, we went out to eat last weekend and ordered an appetizer dish called the "assorted platter." Imagine my glee at getting the check and seeing the "ass plater" on it:


Finally, some notes on funny things my students have said. I make them keep a writing journal in my class. Every day, they have to respond to a prompt I write on the board. These are some of my favorites from the last three weeks:

Question--If you woke up tomorrow with one new quality or ability, what would it be?

Answer: When I wake up tomorrow, I wish to be ridiculously good looking. I chose this for several reasons. A few of my reasons include girls, charisma, and stellar poses. Any female would drool at the sight of my eyes, which would be similar to a waterfall shimmering in a blazing sun. Charisma would allow me to easily raise any grade from a D to an A. Being charismatic is a trait that simply hovers over any man with extremely good looks. Last, stellar poses would give me a chance to further show off my ridiculously-good-lookingness

Question--If you could give one piece of advice to any person in history, what would it be?

Answer 1: I would tell Einstein to fix his hair. It's hard for people to take him seriously when he doesn't look professional.

Answer 2: I would tell the guy who invented cake that he should never mix vegetables with cake. Carrot cake? I honestly want to hit that guy.

Answer 3: I would tell a pirate, "Eat oranges, and tell your friends." (I think this is a reference to preventing scurvy, but the wording made me laugh so hard.)

Answer 4: I would tell the Beatles to donate 85% of their sales to me so I could increase their popularity among mothers and nuns.

Consider them your quotes of the day.

Sometimes I Have No Title

Am I the only person who thinks Tom Brokaw's voice has become a caricature of itself? It's gotten so weird! Throatier than it has ever been. It's like he's doing an impression of himself. You must listen to it sometime. I'd find a clip of him speaking to illustrate my point, but you know the routine; I can't be bothered.

We're up to the third week of school, and so far things are going ok. The kids are still pretty good, and they're starting to assert their unique personalities. Funny stories (a select few to be chronicled here) will appear soon.

Quote of the day:

I have a student who is an incredible "helper." He always has resources at the ready to help people, whether it be handouts (odd) or computer guides. (Today he offered another student--whose zipper on his shorts broke--a spare pair of PANTS. I couldn't help myself; I had to stop class to inquire about the circumstances that led to him always keeping an extra change of clothes with him, just in case someone needed to borrow them.) Anyway, he was in the computer lab, and another student raised his hand asking for help with a printing problem. As I began to scoot off my seat to go over to to help, "Helper Kid" (this will not be his official nickname) commenced an enthusiastic skip-run across the entire length of the computer lab. "Sit down, I've got it!" he said to me mid-jaunt. "I'm a NERRRRRRDDDD!"

I've Been Doing This Like Three Days Now and I'm Pretty Good at It

Well, kids. I've successfully finished my first week of teaching and I still have my sanity. All in all, it's been a good week. The kids are great for the most part, and the staff has been really helpful. I am a pretty happy camper right now in regards to the job. Exhausted, of course, and still nervous about doing a good job, but so far so good.

In other news, my birthday was Tuesday, and imagine my joy today to have received my annual $5 birthday check from my grandparents. Now, it's not that I'm ungrateful about the money; it's just that my grandparents have money and they're just cheap. Frankly, it's more of a nuisance to take the check to the bank than anything else. Additionally, ever since I got married they have spelled my new last name wrong on every single birthday check. You'd think they'd get it by now. So anyway, I think I'll be saving this year's $5 birthday check as a souvenir to screw up their checkbook balancing....muhahaha.