Today is my friend Kate's 26th birthday. I've known Kate for eight years now; we first met in our freshman year of college. She was the maid of honor at my wedding, and we know each other better than pretty much anyone else. This is why this morning, discussing her plans for her big day, she earned herself a quote-of-the-day honor with a one-liner dripping with uncharacteristic sarcasm.
Cor: Are you gonna do anything special this year for your birthday?
Kate: I don't know. Usually my family just takes me out to dinner, but no one has really said anything about it this year, so I don't know if we're really doing anything.
Cor: Ooooh, maybe they're planning a surprise party or something and just have to keep mum about it!
Kate: Oh yeah, Cor. SO OFTEN people plan elaborate surprise parties for landmark birthday years like TWENTY-SIX.
Awww Kateo, I love you. (And I hope it was your best birthday yet, special dinner or otherwise.)
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Go Figure
I live in a tri-state area. Living here, I get to see TV commercials not only from my own state, but also from the two nearby states. Imagine my immense glee over this new public service announcement aired by our good friends in neighboring Kentucky.
The scene: images of flowers and complacent, smiling women come across the screen accompanied by sweet, lullaby-ish music. For about ten seconds you watch and wonder, "Hmm...what's this going to be a commercial for?" Then, a young woman begins talking. She has a soft but noticeable Kentucky accent, almost as if she was hand-picked to represent an ideal mainstream dialect for her people--not too twangy and backwoods but not too...northern. "If you're pregnant," she says, "don't drink or smoke. Take your vitamins and see a doctor." We then find out it's a message from the Kentucky Department of Education.
Oyyyy. What year is it?! Is the situation so bad in Kentucky that they've had to issue a statewide PSA campaign reminding women that it is, in fact, NOT okay to chain smoke between keg stands whilst incubating a human being? What is going on across the river?! How is this not common sense, and why does it take a multi-million dollar ad campaign to teach common sense to our neighbors? And finally, what the hell does health class look like in those schools? I must know.
I'm the slightest bit tempted to send a letter to the Kentucky Department of Education that says, "Hey, thanks for doing your part to virtually LEAP into the 1960s on publicizing your public health policies. You take a break now. You've worked hard. Just put your head down and rest. You'll need your energy for that big AIDS crisis PSA you'll be putting out in 15 years."
The scene: images of flowers and complacent, smiling women come across the screen accompanied by sweet, lullaby-ish music. For about ten seconds you watch and wonder, "Hmm...what's this going to be a commercial for?" Then, a young woman begins talking. She has a soft but noticeable Kentucky accent, almost as if she was hand-picked to represent an ideal mainstream dialect for her people--not too twangy and backwoods but not too...northern. "If you're pregnant," she says, "don't drink or smoke. Take your vitamins and see a doctor." We then find out it's a message from the Kentucky Department of Education.
Oyyyy. What year is it?! Is the situation so bad in Kentucky that they've had to issue a statewide PSA campaign reminding women that it is, in fact, NOT okay to chain smoke between keg stands whilst incubating a human being? What is going on across the river?! How is this not common sense, and why does it take a multi-million dollar ad campaign to teach common sense to our neighbors? And finally, what the hell does health class look like in those schools? I must know.
I'm the slightest bit tempted to send a letter to the Kentucky Department of Education that says, "Hey, thanks for doing your part to virtually LEAP into the 1960s on publicizing your public health policies. You take a break now. You've worked hard. Just put your head down and rest. You'll need your energy for that big AIDS crisis PSA you'll be putting out in 15 years."
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Three New Nuggets
You: Cor, do you not love me anymore? Why haven't you updated in so many moons?
Me: Dry your eyes, friend. It's not you; it's me. I will be back with renewed devotion soooon.
You: But, my sweet, won't you at least give me a Cliff's Notes version of what's been going on?
Me: *sigh* You've twisted my arm.
1. I got a job for the fall. It's an amazing opportunity that I will not write about much on account of my refusal to invite being fired should someone stumble across this blog and put two and two together. The secondary effect of landing this new job is that I get to quit my job at the tutoring center, and I think we all know after the events of Teacher Appreciation Week that it's time.
2. I bought a new car. This is especially exciting for me because for the first time in my life I own a vehicle that doesn't shudder like a dying old man when it idles. I also don't have to worry about assorted chunks of it flying off on the highway, nor do I have to commence holding together critical parts with duct tape. All in all, I am a very happy camper about this situation, although in all honesty, I do miss Pepe II. Yes, I get attachments to inanimate objects. (When I was a kid I cried when my parents purchased a new dishwasher, because I felt bad for the old one. My justification was that it still worked and they just threw it to the curb like it hadn't served our family faithfully for all those years. Yes, I know I might be mentally ill. I blame it all on seeing The Brave Little Toaster when I was very young.) The good news, though, is that I found a good new home for Pepe II. Woo.
3. Yesterday I fished a dead mouse out of our pool. It happens on occasion that a wee critter will drown in the pool after trying to get a drink for itself, but this was the first time I've been the one to find it and dispose of the body. Later, I went to swim a few laps and was suddenly overcome with psychological sickness as I imagined ingesting tainted, fetid dead mouse water little-by-little as I made my laps. It got to the point that whenever I returned to the shallow end (where I found the mouse), I would gag and have to spit the metallic taste out of my mouth to keep from vomiting. (You all know I have an impressive 8-year vomit streak that I cannot afford to break because of a completely unjustified paranoia.) I will keep you updated on future swim endeavors, but here's to hoping that was a one-time-only psychological breakdown, and that I never happen across anything bigger than a mouse floating dead in the pool. (Wear your water wings, Mom.)
So, I think that's about it for now. More later...I promise.
Me: Dry your eyes, friend. It's not you; it's me. I will be back with renewed devotion soooon.
You: But, my sweet, won't you at least give me a Cliff's Notes version of what's been going on?
Me: *sigh* You've twisted my arm.
1. I got a job for the fall. It's an amazing opportunity that I will not write about much on account of my refusal to invite being fired should someone stumble across this blog and put two and two together. The secondary effect of landing this new job is that I get to quit my job at the tutoring center, and I think we all know after the events of Teacher Appreciation Week that it's time.
2. I bought a new car. This is especially exciting for me because for the first time in my life I own a vehicle that doesn't shudder like a dying old man when it idles. I also don't have to worry about assorted chunks of it flying off on the highway, nor do I have to commence holding together critical parts with duct tape. All in all, I am a very happy camper about this situation, although in all honesty, I do miss Pepe II. Yes, I get attachments to inanimate objects. (When I was a kid I cried when my parents purchased a new dishwasher, because I felt bad for the old one. My justification was that it still worked and they just threw it to the curb like it hadn't served our family faithfully for all those years. Yes, I know I might be mentally ill. I blame it all on seeing The Brave Little Toaster when I was very young.) The good news, though, is that I found a good new home for Pepe II. Woo.
3. Yesterday I fished a dead mouse out of our pool. It happens on occasion that a wee critter will drown in the pool after trying to get a drink for itself, but this was the first time I've been the one to find it and dispose of the body. Later, I went to swim a few laps and was suddenly overcome with psychological sickness as I imagined ingesting tainted, fetid dead mouse water little-by-little as I made my laps. It got to the point that whenever I returned to the shallow end (where I found the mouse), I would gag and have to spit the metallic taste out of my mouth to keep from vomiting. (You all know I have an impressive 8-year vomit streak that I cannot afford to break because of a completely unjustified paranoia.) I will keep you updated on future swim endeavors, but here's to hoping that was a one-time-only psychological breakdown, and that I never happen across anything bigger than a mouse floating dead in the pool. (Wear your water wings, Mom.)
So, I think that's about it for now. More later...I promise.
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